So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
