I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
