He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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