yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
