in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
