Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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