I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
