Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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