so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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