I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
