You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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