will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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