i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
