Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
