There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
