remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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