yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
