We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
