btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
