Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
