What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
