just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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