oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
