I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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