I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
