Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
