FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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