around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
