Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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