Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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