Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
