I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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