So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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