i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
