So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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