she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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