Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
