If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
