I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
