he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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