it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
