i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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