Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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