You're my little dorito
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
