i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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