I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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