I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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