You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
