please come you make the beer taste better
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
