My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
