So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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