worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
